addit

addit!
just in case you think my life is all gloom and doom at the moment, know that you might be quite right--- yet!!! God has been really good to me throughout it all. that through really only HIS goodness and faithfulness, friendships are beginning to be restored and like all in life is not yet lost. 2 weeks from today is gonna be a tough time cos abbey should've been born then so please pray for b&f and also us all.

today i remind myself what love is this that God has chosen us... ME to be his child. his precious darling daughter. from slave to son, thats what i am. and that's what you are if you believe in Jesus too. :) ah. somehow with this reminder i feel heaps more at peace. thank you daddy God

a rough year

its been a really rough year.between getting rejected by syd uni and deaths of people who mean much to people who mean much to me plus like illness and other unfortunate events plaguing my and my friends' bodies. i think its enough drama to last the year really.

then add on this. i realise that for some reason my faith... or rather really my desire for God has waned. i cant pinpoint to a particular point in time but i'm reckoning that its probably an accumulation of stuff and events that transpired plus sin in my life that obstructs my yearning for what i know to be the BEST thing in my life. and i know there's only one way back. and i know that heading down this path i'm currently on is one to self destruction. yet i flit between extremes. one moment i'm all for God and another i'm rationalising away my sin. o he deserved it, i think to myself- as if i have any right to judge anything or anyone. by golly i realise how deceitful my heart is. and i always believed that i was such a good girl. and now and only now am i realising what the bible meant when he said that not one is good/righteous.

forgive me Lord. and please restore me to you. you are all i want and you are all i need. maranatha