life changing

this week therein lies my life-changing decision.
honestly i'm scared. i keep telling myself (and with good cause too) that you know, God still has everything under control. and this is only the beginning. and thereafter there'll be hardhard times. and like it's not up to me anyways right. it's all said and done now it's all a matter of waiting.
waiting and trusting. and then the next steps will be made clear.
aah for clarity...

for the last month ive been learning. if i say i love God more than anything. then my actions should prove it. i should be hanging off his every word, obeying his every command.
and so if i say that i trust God with my eternal salvation. shouldn't i also trust him with this. afterall, he already knows the outcome. and he has already organised for it all to be done. it's just that i dont yet know. but seen from a different perspective, its also an opportunity to walk in faith? yeah faith hope and love

i guess i do have all these expectations. of people. of myself. that perhaps some may say are just a tad to lofty? i don't think so. but perhaps those under that burden might  discover that the prize of my friendship and devotion is a weight of expectancy. one they might not have been aware of or desiring to bear.

just let go man. just let go.